Belonging Means Connection

Kaleidoscope of ever-changing colours and patterns… that is what we are as individuals and communities

By Steven Barrow

Steven and friends hiking with a golden retriever

Belonging means connection, and connection is something we learn to do and prioritize over time. Both are integral to our wellbeing as individuals and as communities.

My experience with belonging has been rather mixed, however it has become increasingly more positive over time. When I was younger, I felt like I did not belong. Growing up as a queer kid in a small town in rural Ontario, it was not "ok" to be out and openly authentic. All of the closest people in my life never got to really know me until I felt safe and comfortable enough to share more with them.

As time has gone on, I've felt nothing but belonging amongst the people in my life, who love and accept me. Despite the lack of acceptance of many minorities in the world today, it is the people in my life who inspire me to cultivate belonging wherever it feels like it might be missing.

I've noticed that when we share our story, people tend to connect with it even if they had not shared similar experiences themselves. I think this is what empathy is — the capacity to connect and resonate with someone's lived experience even without fully understanding it.

Belonging is important to me because being human is all about connection and being in relationship with others. Doing so, however, requires that we feel safe and "seen" as our authentic selves, as we are in each moment.

It takes humility on the part of the listener, to acknowledge that we do not have all the answers, that someone else has gifts and wisdom we do not yet have, and that actively listening to understand (rather than to respond) is where this all begins.

Belonging involves practice. I think that many of us are accustomed to having to appear to have the answers, or we become so concerned with needing to "fit in" ourselves that we forget to make space for others. It just takes practice and a willingness to be imperfect and messy in the process.

I just need opportunities to connect with people in conversation without any agenda or distraction; to be able to just receive someone's story or perspective as it is, have them receive mine, and reflect together.

If I could give this all a colour... it would be a kaleidoscope of ever-changing colours and patterns, because that is what we are as individuals and communities. :)

The best thing that could happen is for more and more people to become curious and open minded to the experiences of others, and to value inclusion and diversity.

Story developed by Jocelyn Birkes

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This is part of a series of stories on Belonging.

Do you have a story or thoughts to share about belonging? We would love to connect. You can share that story or leave your contact info in the form and we can document your story for you. https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/BelongingStories